Last week I spent a cold and snowy week in New York attending the 61st United Nations Commission on the Status of Women (CWS61) Conference. Sponsored each year by UN Women, the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women, the conference welcomes women, men, girls and boys from countries around the world.
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Becoming Aware of Your Unconscious Biases
March 24, 2017
Becoming Aware of Your Unconscious Biases
Last week I spent a cold and snowy week in New York attending the 61st United Nations Commission on the Status of Women (CWS61) Conference. Sponsored each year by UN Women, the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women, the conference welcomes women, men, girls and boys from countries around the world. Its purpose is to support the formulation of policies, global standards and norms to benefit women worldwide, and to help member states implement these standards. I had the privilege to be there as a delegate of Rise Up, a global non-profit on which I serve as a member of the Leadership Council. Rise Up invests in visionary leaders, local organizations, and innovative solutions to achieve large-scale change through leadership development, advocacy, grant making, and storytelling.
On Thursday, Rise Up sponsored a well-attended panel entitled “The Impact of Global Philanthropy on Girls”. Rise Up Founder, Denise Dunning, moderated an insightful panel of women who invest their dollars and time supporting girls’ education, health and reproductive rights in the US and around the world, as well as women who run these programs in countries like Malawi, and Nigeria. And there was also an executive from McKinsey & Company with reams of data about how countries and communities grow and benefit economically when they invest in the education and empowerment of adolescent girls.
What does all this have to do with Unconscious Bias, you wonder? Here’s what….
Near the close of the panel, Denise opened the floor to questions from the audience. After two short questions were answered, Denise said “we have time for one more” and pointed to an older, Native American woman dressed in full American Indian garb, who was patiently waiting through the entire presentation to make her point, share her truth. She slowly walked up to the front of the room and suddenly launched into a well-rehearsed tirade about the plight of the Native American, how the US had stolen their land and how we no longer honor the treaties that we signed (she had copies of them in her hands). She turned to Denise and the panelists and asked why no Native American women were represented or talked about on the panel (she had a point there). This scene continued on for 2 or 3 minutes, as our NA speaker was becoming louder and more animated. I sat there, frozen, barely listening because I was noticing the voices that were growing louder and louder in my head. “Really?” “You have to take up OUR platform to say your peace?” “Distract from OUR message to share yours?” “Somebody call Security!” I was certainly annoyed.
Unconscious bias refers to a bias we are unaware of…
As she continued to speak, I looked around the room and saw, to my awakening, that most of the audience was not annoyed, like me. In fact, they were engaged. They were listening, shaking their heads with eyes fixed. Compassion was filling the room.
I suddenly recognized MY UNCONSCIOUS BIAS was at work here! Unconscious bias refers to a bias that we are unaware of; it is triggered when our brain makes quick judgments and assessments of people and situations, influenced by our background and personal experiences. It is automatic.
At that moment, while our intruder was saying her peace, I was more concerned about the RISE UP EVENT — that this “disturbance” would be a part of the panel’s history. And coming from a Marketing and Event Management background (long-ago), that simply would not do in my mind. Looking around the room, however, seeing the faces of the audience as our guest continued sharing her plight, I was moved. My bias was uncovered, and then it disappeared, like a bubble forming in front of me and then floating away. I stood up, joined the circle of hands that were forming, and bowed my head with the rest of the room as this dedicated old woman thanked us for listening and led us to close with a prayer.
I had a lot of amazing “Ah Ha” moments and takeaways from CSW61, but my experience at this particular Rise Up panel unearthed a reality that I was inspired to share. I know this topic of unconscious bias has been a focus of many companies’ diversity and inclusion efforts over the years, and that’s great. However, it is experiences as powerful as the one I described that can take UB to the forefront of our conscious, because no matter how hard companies work to make us aware, only we, as individuals, can make the change happen.
Team Exercise
Here’s a way you and your team can enhance awareness about unconscious biases. I learned this exercise at a Diversity & Inclusion workshop sponsored by a client companies. Best to do with at least 10 people. Download the worksheet here and ask individuals to check at least one of the items that is true for them. Follow the instructions on the worksheet, and after folding, have everyone walk around and trade the folder papers,at least 4 times (like shuffling cards). Then stop, sit and open the paper each person has in hand. Read each item one by one, asking those whose paper is marked true to stand. until everyone is up. Facilitate a discussion about how each person felt when you called them out.
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The Power of We – Tools to Tune Up your Team in 2017
January 31, 2017
The Power of We – Tools to Tune Up your Team in 2017
It is only 30 days into 2017 and this year has already turned out to be “unprecedented” in so many ways. Welcome to a new normal, and the January 2017 issue of LOL! Speaking of unprecedented, on Saturday, Jan. 21, I was incredibly inspired — by and with millions of other people around the globe — after participating in the Women’s March Bay Area. Don’t worry; this is not another commentary about the political, economic, social or spiritual state of our country.
The Power of We – Tools to Tune Up your Team in 2017
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It is only 30 days into 2017 and this year has already turned out to be “unprecedented” in so many ways. Welcome to a new normal, and the January 2017 issue of LOL! Speaking of unprecedented, on Saturday, Jan. 21, I was incredibly inspired — by and with millions of other people around the globe — after participating in the Women’s March Bay Area. Don’t worry; this is not another commentary about the political, economic, social or spiritual state of our country. I’m sure you’ve already had way too much of that! I will share, however, that my inspiration from the boundless crowds of women, men, and children of all ages, ethnicities and genders who came together on January 21 for change and impact, got me thinking about the ‘power of we’. As we begin 2017 and you set new commitments for the year, I encourage you to include assessing the strength and performance of your team, and team members, an important priority. According to an EY (formerly Ernst & Young) survey of global business executives, most business leaders view high-performance teams as essential to success. Over the years, I have coached dozens of teams on their journey to high-performance, and we have a multitude of knowledge, tools and practices to enable them to get there. For starters, check out this article from Fast Company on 3 Types of Dysfunctional Teams and How to Fix Them. Author Patty McManus, provides insight into how you can be a part of a team that builds alignment and drives results by looking for (and addressing) three patterns that can prevent leadership teams from stepping up to its challenges. In addition, make sure you grab a copy of The Ideal Team Player from Patrick Lencioni, this month’s recommended leadership read. Or download our Team Assessment Questionnaire and start creating a team development plan right away. To illuminate the Power of We, the Power of Team, I’ll leave you with this short paragraph from one of Patrick Lencioni’s most popular books, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. In the book’s Introduction, Lencioni shares “A friend of mine, the founder of a company that grew to a billion dollars in annual revenue, best expressed the power of teamwork when he once told me ‘If you could get all the people in an organization rowing in the same direction, you could dominate any industry, in any market, against any competition, at any time.” As we saw at the Women’s March on January 21st, by getting millions of people around the world to move in the same direction, cities, media outlets, and hearts and minds everywhere were dominated. On January 31st (tomorrow!), why don’t you begin the march to get your team rowing in the same direction? |
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The Power of Empathy to Impact Social and Workplace Change
March 2, 2016
On Saturday, February 27th, more than 350 people of all ages who live in our small, close-knit San Francisco Bay Area community came together to honor the memory of a very special young man whose life was accidentally taken far too early, at age 23. I met his family when he was 10-years old; he and his little brother joined my two children when they were the same age at the small private elementary school they attended.
The Power of Empathy to Impact Social and Workplace Change
On Saturday, February 27th, more than 350 people of all ages who live in our small, close-knit San Francisco Bay Area community came together to honor the memory of a very special young man whose life was accidentally taken far too early, at age 23. I met his family when he was 10-years old; he and his little brother joined my two children when they were the same age at the small private elementary school they attended. All four kids became close, and 13 years later we consider the entire family to be among our dearest friends. One can only imagine how devastated this entire community felt about loosing one of its own, especially someone with such a long and promising future. The pain and heartbreak was excruciating. The love and empathy that surrounded this family, and the entire village for weeks, was overwhelming for everyone involved. The line to attend his memorial stretched around the block, and dozens who arrived too late to sit inside the church stuck it out for two hours outside, peering through the windows during the service, without being able to hear a single word the speakers were saying.
Among the heartbreak and denial of this unbelievably surreal situation, I listened to several people (including my own daughter who was asked to share her memories of their friendship) talk about how this young man always made them feel. “Like I was the most important person on the planet,” or “he always knew what I was going though” or “his friendship was unconditional” were common themes. Clearly his unique empathetic ability stood out. So much so that it inspired his many friends to ‘pay it forward’ – several vowed to the community to share his story with others their age in order to honor his memory and help educate them to prevent future accidents. It was both heart wrenching and amazing. The power of empathy to invoke social change was being played out right in front of me.
Using Empathetic Leadership to Drive Change in the Workplace
In your own organization, have you ever considered using empathy as an effective way to help drive change, or get stalled initiatives moving again, or align people toward a common goal? I recognize not every leader has the same empathetic abilities as my young friend to make everyone feel special. Many leaders don’t even recognize the value of being empathetic. Which begs the common question, is empathy a skill that can be learned, or a natural personality trait that some people have and some don’t? Having reviewed dozens of Lumina Spark portraits where I notice how often this quality shows up strong, or not, my own personal belief is that it is a little of both.
Having a high EQ (defined as a natural measure of a person’s adequacy in such areas as self-awareness, empathy, and dealing sensitively with other people) is no doubt helpful, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that a leader will naturally choose empathy as a strategy for engaging or driving change. Empathetic leadership means one must be open to asking questions, to listening deeply and being vulnerable, to being curious and non-judgmental toward finding a common ground and to being influenced by another’s point-of-view. Frankly, to live in another person’s shoes. That’s a lot more effort than simply making people feel good. Yet, it was a good enough legacy for my young friend.
If I have still not inspired you to intentionally add the skill of empathy to your leadership repertoire, I hope that the words of Theodore Roosevelt will: “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
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How will you Positively Disrupt your Life in 2016?
January 13, 2016
During the first two weeks of December, instead of working like a fiend to meet year-end goals, AND shopping like a fiend to buy presents, AND partying like a fiend to celebrate the entire year (all of which has been our year-end routine forever), my husband and I orchestrated a positive disruption to these December rituals.
How will you positively disrupt your life in 2016?
During the first two weeks of December, instead of working like a fiend to meet year-end goals, AND shopping like a fiend to buy presents, AND partying like a fiend to celebrate the entire year (all of which has been our year-end routine forever), my husband and I orchestrated a positive disruption to these December rituals.
Entrepreneur Isaac Tolphin describes this as the act of purposefully disrupting the rhythms in your life to cause positive change. Even when things are really good in our lives we should look for ways to create positive disruptions. Especially when they are really good, he says. Otherwise, the allure of staying where we are, continuing to do what we do and reap rewards (i.e. success), can prevent us from making changes, make us grow stagnant, and not give ourselves the opportunity to make our best contributions to the world. He likens this to what happens when vines in a vineyard stop getting daily water. If the vines could talk, he writes, they would say “why should I go deep when I’m handed water daily? After all, it’s so much work to push down into the ground, through the harder rocks and soil to find water.”
Inspired by Tolphin’s sentiment, we began to think of our year-end adventure as a positive disruption to our really good life. Normally on December 1st, we begin the routine. Instead we traveled 15 hours to reach ‘Down Under’, only to discover that leaving the rituals behind was not the only thing that seemed disruptive. It was summer, not winter. It was Tuesday there, when it was Monday here (US). Christmas music everywhere played “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” while outside it was hot and everyone walked around in shorts and tees. And, like in the UK and elsewhere, cars were driving on the ‘opposite’ side of the road! Discombobulated? Yes. Not quite the holiday setting we were used to? You could say that. Positively disruptive? Absolutely!
“Disrupt yourself in some way this year for the sake of pushing harder through the rocks and soil to find new water that will energize and inspire you to make your best contributions to the world.” — Loretta Stagnitto
On the fifth day of our trip I posted this picture to Instagram of me (well, my toes) relaxing on Hamilton Island, 2-hours from the Great Barrier Reef where we snorkeled the day before. I was no longer affected by the time zones, seasonality of the season, or the cars riding on the wrong side of the road. I wasn’t nostalgic either, (thankful maybe) about missing the December rituals of shopping, tree trimming, holiday parties and fanatically achieving end-of-year goals.
By the end of the trip, both my mind and body were newly energized by the disruption (yes, even after coming home to still do Christmas). After countless hours of sight-seeing, and dozens of fascinating conversations with tour guides, historians, and wildlife specialists about Australia’s past, politics, and people, I’m still overwhelmed (in a good way) by what I now know of this amazing country and piece of our world. We walked miles and miles during the two weeks (10 in one day alone!), hiking up and down city hills, climbing on and off planes, boats and automobiles. My body felt as exercised and exhausted as my mind, also in a good way. And after two weeks of having very limited contact and conversation with our kids, we could tell upon our return just how much we were missed. That left my soul smiling, too.
“Those unwilling to proactively choose positive disruption will inevitably experience greater negative disruption over time. It’s a proactive stimulus to change versus the latter, which is a reactive stimulus to get back what you had or to where you were.” — Isaac Tolphin
Having experimented with positive disruption this year, I can positively say that the benefits to my mind, body and soul were definitely worth it. This December, I will inevitably return to the holiday rituals, unsure if a future disruption will ever occur during that time again. If you read my November blog about last year’s journey to achieve my own personal ‘update’, you will see that I’m not new to following Tolphin’s wisdom, nor am I interested in going back to where I was. And that’s my big LOL for this month.
I hope you will plan for some positive disruption in your life this year.
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What’s Bringing Your Attitude of Gratitude?
November 22, 2015
If you have clicked through to read this renewed blog, you’ll notice the last one published was February of 2014. I was not sure at the time why I was not motivated to continue with the Lessons From Lumina blog.
What’s bringing your attitude of gratitude?
If you have clicked through to read this renewed blog, you’ll notice the last one published was February of 2014. I was not sure at the time why I was not motivated to continue with the Lessons From Lumina blog. Or why, in my head and on paper, the plans were there to engage via lots of social media channels, but for reasons I never explored, I had a behavior pattern of starting and stopping. Earlier this year, I told myself that I needed to ‘remake’ my website and the social media platforms representing my personal brand, first, before I could once again put myself out there to share my reflections. I even hired a professional media crew to create a website video to tell my brand “story”. I’ve put that on hold again, but this time for a different reason:
Lessons From Lumina
If I take any cues from my own Lumina Spark Portrait it pegs me at 52% Yellow; 26% Red; 29% Green; and a lonely 7% blue. Remember, this mix of energies, and the polarity of our personalities, makes us very complicated individuals, and creates all kinds of confusing behaviors. Here is some of its resonating narrative that gave me the first set of clues about this stop-start behavior and a few more of my curious patterns:
“You have a fast paced and active lifestyle, so you are always on the go. Most of the time your schedule is packed with meetings and activities.”
“You are threatened by ideas that disrupt your routine.”
“Challenging tradition can make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Try and make more of an effort to communicate in writing. This will help you maintain a record of your ideas as well as track progress.”
“You can be overly concerned about how others see you”
“You find it hard to say no and this can become quite draining”
“Don’t feel that you always need to jump in and talk to influence people ‐ you may have more influence if you listen first to direct your input”
“Remember that sometimes the simplest solution is the best one”
“Being willing to assertively say ‘no’ will build your credibility ‐ it will also give you more energy to focus on those things you consciously say ‘yes’ to”
Um, ok. So here we have a few good Lessons from Lumina that I wasn’t caring to pay attention to, and some pretty insightful reasons as to why me, myself, and I just couldn’t move the ball forward. But that’s not the reason I put the website video on hold:
Lessons From Life
Last November I received an email invitation from the leader and former teacher of mine at the Institute for Generative Leadership (IGL) inviting me to join other IGL colleagues “who have ambition for bigger promises” to join the first Generative Mastermind Group.” Those who know me well will know that I signed-on immediately, AND I fully expected to have my ‘bigger promises’ identified and my plan for the future figured out by the end of this year. The surprise was very much on me. Why? Because I thought I knew myself, and I thought I knew the future I wanted to create (heck, if you’ve looked at my new website, you would think I’d practice what I preach!)
Instead, through some pretty powerful reflection questions, a very intentional and well-designed yearlong framework, and a small group of trusted advisors who ‘consult’ while you are pouring out your future ambitions in the hot seat (ever watch Shark Tank?), I learned to be a different observer of the ME that I have become over many years. And although I did not find that ME to be inauthentic, or anything I was not proud of, it was a ME who was not stepping back, not taking a look, not asking questions, and not observing how I currently operate, engage and take care of (or not) the things I care about. Not doing creates unconscious choices, consequences, moods, and actions. Doing creates conscious ones. I discovered moods and actions that were driven by my unconscious choices and consequences that were showing up in ways I did not enjoy. For example, have you ever taken the time to reflect on:
Where Are You? How did you Arrive Here?
Where Are You Going? Why Are You Going There?
How Will You Get There?
What is your Strategy or Design to Get There?
What are your Actions and Steps to Go Forward?
Who Will You Travel With? What Help Do You Need?
I have now. But that’s still not the reason I put the website video on hold:
Lessons From Leadership
I put the website video on hold because its purpose was no longer relevant. I watched the original video that was ME and over the course of 2015 I reviewed the script, rewrote the story elements, and set the direction for my new story to emerge. My personal “update” is not yet complete (will it ever be?), but my attitude of gratitude carries on. What will it take for you to develop an attitude of gratitude?
Happy Thanksgiving!
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A Tale of Two Greens – Same But Different
February 12, 2014
Welcome to the third post of Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina blog, and the first of 2014. It has been a few months since A Tale of Two Reds were told, and it would seem that with Valentine’s Day a few days away, that tale would be more fitting for today’s blog than A Tale of Two Greens.
A Tale of Two Greens – Same But Different
blog3photoWelcome to the third post of Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina blog, and the first of 2014. It has been a few months since A Tale of Two Reds were told, and it would seem that with Valentine’s Day a few days away, that tale would be more fitting for today’s blog than A Tale of Two Greens. Remembering, however, the qualities and characteristics that make up ‘green energy’ (intimate, collaborative, evolving, calming), I would argue that green is more fitting a color for Cupid’s hearts than red (purposeful, direct, bold, competitive, takes charge) in the Lumina world!
What Color is Your Cupid’s Heart?
Conscientious Blue –
“I know we’ve only been together for 37 weeks, 27 days and 14 hours and I have calculated the probability of us meeting let alone staying together, yet I can safely say….Will you be my valentine?”
Empowering Green –
“I am so fortunate to have you in my life. I can’t thank you enough for all you do for me. Will you be my one and only Valentine?”
Inspiring Yellow –
“I can’t believe what beautiful eyes you have, what a connection I felt from the moment I met you, how much we have in common, I can’t wait to meet your family, I absolutely adore you! Will you please, please (if you don’t I’ll die) please be my valentine?”
Commanding Red –
“Card, Candy, done. Will you be mine?”
Nevertheless, as I noted last time, no matter what the true color of the heart, we are each a complex combination of colors, aspects, qualities and personas in Lumina terms, some of which may be contradictory, and some of which may be the same as others, but different. In A Tale of Two Reds, we viewed two CEOs both with a high degree of Red energy, and saw how the subtle differences in their similar profiles resulted in observable differences in their behaviors. Now let’s look at another “similar but different” example from clients I’ve worked with – two VPs of Client Services, each of whom manages a team and has direct contact with clients.
Both these executives measure 80% in Green energy. The order of their colors is the same, with slight variations in each color. From a big picture perspective, people who are high in Green energy tend to be good listeners, caring, inclusive, and considerate. They often bring harmony to the team by using their diplomatic approach to gain consensus. They’re collaborative, and generally feel uncomfortable around conflict, aggression or rudeness. And as we noted in the last blog, these types of behaviors can manifest from someone with high Red energy under stress, and their interaction with high Green energy folks at the time can be noticeably uncomfortable.
As also noted in “A Tale of Two Reds,” the behavior of these two high Green-energy Client Service VPs, who are similar in color, may be alike in many aspects, yet different in many others. Here again, this is the beauty of the Lumina model. It really embraces individual uniqueness, and honors the color energies, qualities and aspects that make you… YOU.
Let’s look a little closer at our two VPs. One of them possesses the qualities of being “collaborative” but does not demonstrate “empathetic” or “accommodating” behaviors (perhaps because she has the strong Red qualities of “taking charge” and “purposeful”). The other VP is very “empathetic” toward customers and staff, and is known for being “accommodating” (and willing to adjust her stance for the sake of harmony or to spare someone’s feelings). She is regarded as a good listener, who likes to work things out one-to-one. And although she appears to have the same amount of Red energy as the other VP, she is not viewed as “competitive” or “tough” (in fact, very much the opposite!) Still, she will “take charge” (a Red behavior) and do things in a “logical and purposeful” manner.
So there you have it. Another example of two leaders who have the same color profile and sometimes act alike, yet are also very different. Here are some tips for “speed reading” and better relating to someone whose dominant color energy is Green.
5 Speed Reading Cues for Determining When Individuals Lead with Empowering Green Energy
Calm demeanor with soft eye contact
Active, empathic listener – nods and shows interest
Will engage at a personal level
Warm, friendly smile – likes to make people feel comfortable
Workspace has pictures of family and friends
5 Tips for Building Rapport and Adapting to Empowering Green Energy
Actively listen to them – they need to be heard
Adopt a softer approach – the hard sell will not work
Do it together – harmony and collaboration is important
Demonstrate that you care – they won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care
Avoid involving them in conflict
Thanks for reading this, and have a lovely Valentine’s Day. Enjoy our sidebar and notice the true color energy of your Cupid’s heart. Remember, the more you know, the more effective you can be.
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A Tale of Two “Reds” – Same But Different
November 29, 2013
I may be stating the obvious by opening this blog with the assertion that when it comes to human behavior and the ability for individuals to ‘get along’ with one another, we are each a complex combination of traits and behaviors (in Lumina-speak that means colors, aspects, qualities and personas) some of which may be contradictory, and some of which may be the same as others, but different.
A Tale of Two “Reds” – Same But Different
I may be stating the obvious by opening this blog with the assertion that when it comes to human behavior and the ability for individuals to ‘get along’ with one another, we are each a complex combination of traits and behaviors (in Lumina-speak that means colors, aspects, qualities and personas) some of which may be contradictory, and some of which may be the same as others, but different. That’s why understanding this Lumina model allows us to discover and recognize our own traits and behaviors, and those of our bosses, colleagues, staff, friends and family. In turn, we can better understand and ‘work with’ our own communication and motivations, and those of the individuals with whom we want (or need) to get along.
At the ‘big picture’ or color level of the Lumina model, it’s easy to assume that “Reds” are “Reds” and that the associated “Red” traits and behaviors – purposeful, logical, competitive, tough – would be equally visible in any given situation. But that’s not the case at all. Nor is it the case that all “Reds” react the same way under pressure – controlling, aggressive, argumentative, and driven.
To illustrate, here’s an example of two CEOs I’ve worked with in the past. Both lead with 95% red energy and the order of their colors, or “energies” (Commanding Red, Inspiring Yellow, Conscientious Blue, Empowering Green) is the same, with varying degrees of each color. This is a common profile of leaders in many organizations – Red implies action-oriented, quick, intuitive thinker, decisive, outcome-focused. Over the years many people have told me they wished they had more Red energy because those qualities are typically associated with leaders. On the flip side, there’s a common belief that “too much Red energy” creates a command and control leadership style: someone who is confident and calls the shots, without necessarily listening to or collaborating with others. (You may recognize the picture of a particular celebrity CEO who fits this profile; and the other who also leads with Red energy, but doesn’t exhibit quite the same behaviors as the first. To be clear, I have not coached or produced a Lumina Portrait for either one, but the when you understand the model, the behaviors are evident.)
The Celebrity Apprenticeimage005
The beauty of the Lumina model is that it discovers where the two leaders I’ve coached – our 95% Red CEOs – share the same qualities and aspects that make up their Red energy, and where their differences result in an observable variation in leadership style. In this case, one of the leaders measured higher in the qualities of “tough and competitive” but less in the behaviors associated with being “purposeful and logical.” As a result, his visible behaviors arbitrarily created a company ‘culture’ that was driven by fear and employees who carried out tasks the way they thought ‘the boss wants me to’ rather than feeling empowered to create solutions or engage in tasks the way they would more naturally.
The other leader (with the same amount of Red energy) measured higher in “purposeful and logical” but showed less of the behaviors associated with the qualities of “tough and competitive.” As a result, employees under this leader certainly experienced an action-oriented, outcome-driven culture, but felt more empowered to do their own work, and less concerned about pleasing the boss or worrying about how he or she may react if they did something ‘wrong’. So that’s the tale of two ‘Reds’ – even though their Lumina Spark Portraits show the same amount of Red energy, these two leaders will exhibit very different behaviors based on the qualities they may or may not possess, in similar roles and situations (just as Donald may react differently than Oprah in similar situations).
It’s important to remember that we each have all four color energies within us, in varying degrees. Understanding that enables us to adjust our behaviors to more readily build rapport and connect with others, whose dominant energy may be different than ours. Here are some tips for “speed reading” and better relating to someone whose dominant color energy is Red.
5 Speed Reading Cues for Determining When Individuals Lead with Commanding Red Energy
Communication-style is direct and confident – they use a ‘Tell’ versus ‘Ask’ approach
Tone/pace is fast – they reply quickly, finish sentences for you, answer before you finish asking
Handshake is firm, and they maintain direct eye-contact
Energy depicts a ‘do it now’, take charge kind of approach, with high-expectations of others
Workspace is likely functional and efficient, and they like time-saving gadgets
5 Tips for Building Rapport and Adapting to Commanding Red Energy
Get to the point quickly – don’t overdo providing details – you’ll never get through them
Discuss the facts, not your feelings – don’t communicate from an emotional point-of-view
Don’t hesitate or “waffle” – match their pace, be direct, but don’t affront their ego
Be confident in your ideas, and ask them to summarize what they like and don’t like about them
Focuses on task ahead of relationship issues – “business first”
Want to learn more about building rapport and communicating effectively? Sign up for our free webinar, “Communicating for Results,” on Friday, December 6 at noon PST. Click here to register.
I hope you all had a joyful and reflective Thanksgiving Holiday. Thanks for reading this, and remember, the more you know, the more effective you can be.
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Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina – A Personal “Ah ha” Moment
October 31, 2013
Hello and welcome to Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina! My goal with this blog is to keep the learning “alive” for those of you who are familiar with Lumina Learning (because you have received a personal Portrait or attended one of my Lumina Spark workshops/webinars).
Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina – A Personal “Ah ha” Moment
Hello and welcome to Loretta’s Lessons from Lumina! My goal with this blog is to keep the learning “alive” for those of you who are familiar with Lumina Learning (because you have received a personal Portrait or attended one of my Lumina Spark workshops/webinars). With this new blog, I will encourage you and your team to apply what you now know about yourself and others, to make you better communicators, collaborators, managers and leaders. And I want to introduce the many benefits and applications of the Lumina Learning model to others.
As I started to write this post, I thought it appropriate to share a personal Lumina “ah ha” moment I had recently. I see plenty of these moments in my coaching and leadership development work. But this was a very personal one that really brought home to me the power of self-awareness, a key component of the Lumina Learning model.
A number of years ago, when my now 20-year daughter was about 8, I took her and her little brother to SeaWorld in San Diego. Near the end of our day there, my son and I became separated from my daughter. We spent more than an hour searching the park for her. For those parents who are reading this, I don’t have to tell you about the intensity of panic I felt. While we were searching, of course so many random thoughts go through one’s head, including the inevitable. Ok let’s just put it out there … I was thinking ‘who took her’?
When we finally reconnected at an arcade in the center of the park (frankly, I don’t even remember where any more), I greeted my little girl with tears and hugs, and significant emotions of sheer thankfulness and relief. She, however, greeted me with anger and arrogance, completely tearless, and refusing to even admit she was ‘missing.’ This may sound familiar to you parents with confident young (and older) children. Nevertheless, experiences like this are ones we will always remember, and create emotions that we will never forget.
Fast forward 12 years. This summer, my confident adult daughter was home for a time from her first two years at college, reviewing photos and videos of her childhood. One day she mentioned her memory of being separated at SeaWorld, and told me about her self-realization from that experience: that she has difficultly connecting with someone when they communicate using a lot of emotion. She remembered our reconciliation that day, and explained her behavior as a reaction to my tears — my crying and hugging her didn’t provide us a chance to talk about how we became separated in the first place! Her anger was simply an unknowing (at the time) physical reaction to my emotions.
After listening to her reflections, I had a few realizations myself, ones that resonated with what I hear and observe so much in my work. How do you interact effectively with someone who responds so differently to situations?
It starts with self-awareness. Developing an understanding, as my daughter has done, of “what makes you tick” and how you respond under pressure is a big first step. Recognizing and understanding the traits and behaviors of others, and how they respond under pressure, is also important. Finally, knowing how to adjust your own behavior to ‘match’ and effectively build rapport with others is the ultimate skill for creating powerful results. The Lumina model is a perfect framework for learning how to do this, and that’s what I’ll be writing about going forward. I really like Lumina because it helps us discover the multi-dimensional, and complex nature of people, and the fact that we can, for example, be BOTH Introverted and Extraverted, NOT simply one or the other. And that we do have different ‘personas’ that we flip in and out of all day, presenting conflicting qualities that are stronger or weaker based on a particular situation.
In this inaugural post, I’ll refresh your memory with the basics of the Lumina Learning model. Remember, it comprises 4 Colors – Inspiring Yellow, Commanding Red, Conscientious Blue and Empowering Green – plus 8 Aspects, 24 Qualities and 3 Personas. Each ‘combination’ creates behaviors in us that cause us to act similarly or differently to others, regardless of whether we have the same combination or not. This model helps us discover how these amazing combinations cause us to think, behave, communicate, act and react, and the impact all of this has on others. It also provides a framework that can be quickly and easily applied for building, enhancing and repairing relationships.
When you better understand yourself and others, and learn how to engage and interact based on this understanding, the result will be more productive engagements, better all-around communication and collaboration, and the ability to make the RIGHT impact. Today, even at this early adult age, my daughter understands that all people (including her) inter-relate and communicate differently. She knows how she likes to inter-relate and react with others. And, she understands how to use what she knows about herself and others to be more emotionally intelligent. It’s a great lesson for us all to know and learn, and to apply in our relationships at work, home and throughout life, in general.
In future blogs, I’ll provide more details about the Colors, Aspects, Qualities and Personas, while showing you what it all means and how you can use this knowledge to enhance your own leadership/management and interpersonal communication skills. Please feel free to forward this blog to friends and colleagues who might be interested in learning more about this topic.
Oh! And before I go, give yourself or someone else the gift of better communication this upcoming holiday season! Sign up for our free webinar, “Communicating for Results,” on Tuesday, December 3 at noon PST.
Thanks for reading this, and remember, the more you know, the more effective you can be.
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Loretta L. Stagnitto, CCUCG is the Creator of the “I Know” System™ for Personal and Team Leadership Development, a unique coaching methodology she developed after years of interpreting how good managers become great leaders and how productive teams evolve into high-performing ones.
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